Christian Latina Leadership Blog

By: Christina Rodriguez

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I was in my thirties, and I remember introducing myself to other women at the CLLI training and retreat years ago. As the years passed, I would introduce myself differently each time. I evolved into different leadership roles, titles, and whatever ministry endeavor I was involved with at the time. I would also share about my family and the circumstances that brought me to a women’s leadership community like CLLI.

Something happened in my life after the age of forty. There was a shift in my self-awareness. I began to understand more about how I processed information and how I reacted to things. I started to question the things I perceived to be true. My academic journey led me from a conservative institution to a more progressive one. I began to wrestle with my faith and at times felt childish for allowing myself to be tossed by every wave of doctrine or ideal. I was 45 and I needed to “grow up.”

The COVID pandemic forced the world to stay inside, be still, or, in my case, be bored.

I found myself thinking existentially about my life and life in general. I was working in the emergency room at the height of COVID as a Chaplain and witnessed more death and dying than I had wanted. I had the privilege of walking alongside grieving families who were not allowed to enter the hospital and be with their loved ones. At times, it was unbearable to watch the dynamic of suffering from the families-Latinos grieve hard.

Some of the Latina mothers I met had invested a large part of their identity in their children who lay dying. They would often voice that they would not be able to live without them, they would ask me: “what am I supposed to do?”

As I was faced with all this, I had an opportunity to reflect on my own life. The values I was brought up on consisted of family and hard work—very, very hard work.

I come from a line of women on both sides of my family who sacrificed much for the family. They dreamed as young girls and then watched their sons and daughters become what they could never be.

My generation has slowly changed and adopted the concept of self-care. As I write this, I can see the bottles of vitamins that I take as well as a prescription for my occasional muscle spasms. As a result of my experience during COVID, I realized more and more the importance of taking care of myself.

In addition, the pandemic also brought forward a renewed emphasis on mental health. The flood of added resources and support was too plentiful to ignore. The care I was given through the hospital system and outside organizations saved my life. I remember recovering at a hotel more than once, mostly to quarantine but also to decompress from what I was witnessing. As I grappled with depression and anxiety from life’s circumstances, I also felt a supernatural lift. I was no longer the same person. The Bible refers to this transformation in the following way:

“We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”  2 Corinthians 3:18 (CSB).

I am sharing this because the world forced me to be still; otherwise, I would have kept moving.

There is a beautiful aspect to quietness and meditation on God, but there is also a profound spirituality in knowing yourself. As I was still, I realized I had begun following the same path my foremothers had walked, one of extreme work. Work yourself to the bone-work yourself sick. Perhaps they did not have the luxury of being still. The truth is that many of them were most likely in survival mode.

Today, the reality is that COVID still lingers as do other pressures of the world. Regardless of your particular situation, I invite you to be still, know yourself, become aware of where you are going, and make the necessary changes.

As I think on all this, I am reminded of a favorite song by international worship artist Sinach that affirms:

“We’ve been called forth to show his excellence; all I require for life God has given me, for I know who I am.”

God has given us all the necessary resources and skills to get to know God and ourselves. I invite you to reflect on what the spirit is revealing to you. Lean in, and you may be surprised to receive answers to the questions you have had about your life. I encourage you to greet this season in your life with unveiled faces. Only then will we begin to see God entrust us with secrets about this life that we never imagined, and in consequence, enjoy more and more the abundant life that Jesus offers.